Message Received Loud and Clear

I believe in signs. Years ago I figured out that the first time something happens, it’s meaningful, the second time, it’s a coincidence and the third time, it’s a sign. These are the signs that creep up on you, that sneak into your world at their own pace to give you a message. And then there are signs that come at you lights flashing and sirens blaring. These are the signs that stop you dead in your tracks and make you pay attention. Often these come as a result of an inability to pick up on the little signs, leaving the powers that be with no other option than to write in neon, yell through a megaphone and do everything short of tattoo a message on your forehead.

Today that sign arrived as the oh so devastating realization (and later confirmation) that our Internet had been cancelled as of August 1 instead of August 31. That’s right people, just days after admitting my sensory addiction, I’ve been cut off cold turkey! In order for us to get reconnected, we’d have to go through the whole set up process again (money we don’t have and all) and so instead, we will face the next 37 days with no wi-fi at home.

What’s incredible to me is that there are moments I think, “Hey…no biggie, a lot of people don’t have Internet and the Library is a three minute walk away.” Then there are the moments I’m in my room absolutely unable to focus or study, with no TV and now, no Internet, where I become truly aware of the severity of my sense addiction. I don’t know what to do with myself! Which is evidently the point of the universe saying, “Enough already, if you aren’t going to wean yourself off of it, we’re going to do it for you!”

The funniest part of the whole situation is that despite the fact that I feel like the Internet is what keeps me connected with email and all…it is in fact the absence of the Internet that makes me feel the most connected. At 10:40pm I am aware that I don’t have anything to distract myself. I can’t lose myself in a TV show or randomly surf the web and fill my brain with random bits of information. Instead, I am here, with myself and my fears and my insecurities and thankfully, with Microsoft Word. I’m connected in a more active and focused way. And I am incredibly grateful. I have learned so much about myself this year, having truly become aware of what I need, what I can live without and what makes me happy. Turns out, I don’t need the Internet in my room to be happy [This is going to be my mantra for the next 37 days. Maybe I should go surfing on the library Internet to see if they make a patch for Web Withdrawals. Hmm…]

Since I’m now aware that what I have written is less happy-go-lucky-blog and more soap-opera-journal-entry, I’ll start winding this down. The point of all this writing is first to empty my head (not easy…there’s lots going on up there) and second to share with the world what signs like this mean to me. Weird things happen. Sometimes they aren’t easy to deal with. Sometimes they aren’t so convenient. But most of the time, they’re exactly what we need.

No Internet means I have to get better at time management and leave early instead of checking train times and running out of the building the very last minute to catch my tube. No Internet means I have no excuse to not sit down and work my butt off on this dissertation. No Internet means I have to actually plan my time to I can be sure to email, blog and talk to my friends and family, making the important things a priority during the time I have Internet access instead of an “I’ll get to it later” item. No Internet means I have to take those quiet moments for myself, to meditate, to write and to just be, something that’s harder than you might think. Most importantly, No Internet means that as I try to navigate my life and my responsibilities right now, I know I’m not alone. Some spirit somewhere loves me enough to answer my prayers for focus, simplicity and peace by taking away my crutch, my escape – my Internet. There are people and there are angels looking out for me, helping me to travel my path, the one that will allow me to live the best possible life I can.

Rest assured that this does not mean I will stop blogging. If anything, to entertain myself in the wee hours of the evening, or day or whatever time I used to spend web surfing, I may instead be writing witty repartee for your reading pleasure. Be not afraid...I will write about what I’m doing and what I’m thinking whether you like it or not :)